Parenting is…

I am continuing the series on sleep, a topic that is near and dear to every parent’s heart, mine included. Today I will share a novel take on a very old idea: bed time stories. Most parents have included reading into their bed time rituals, and so did I. However, reading books at night has several drawbacks: you need a light source in the room; the focus for you and the child is on the book, not on each other; though you can embrace your child while reading, you want to be half-sitting, holding a book, turning pages - a distraction from the kind of peaceful cuddling that help make your sleep routine a success.

Alex (22 months) gets a bed time story from a book before his jammies go on and before the light is turned off. Later, as a last thing that happens before he focuses on falling asleep, I tell him a story that I make up! Believe me, making up a story for a young child is easier than you think! Just pick up any picture or board book - the story line is extremely simple and the bar on creative thinking is disappointingly low. So here is what I have done.

First, we decide on the characters. Often, he asks for specific ones: Piglet & Pooh, Blue car, Firetruck; this afternoon it was a Sandwich! Thus he gets to be creative and begins participating right away. Otherwise, I say, “How about we do a story about a Flower and a Lady Buggy?” mentioning things, which we encountered that day.We lay down, cuddle up and I begin. I found that “once upon a time” is not nearly as good as “this morning…” The story focuses on the events of the characters’ day. Alex contributes by naming another character he’d like to include, or one I haven’t mentioned in a while, who needs to be part of the action. I always react by turning the story in the direction he is leading. “No, Tigger!” says Alex. “Right! When they got to Piglet’s house, they saw Tigger was already there!”

The story is based on interesting things, which happened today. I have noticed that Alex looks particularly engaged as I describe a fun activity he got to do, as part of Pooh’s current adventure. I also try to make use of repetitive language. Any toddler loves hearing words he knows and recognizes again and again. Often, Alex asks me to repeat a particular sequence: ingredients in a sandwich, parts of a fire truck and so on. Sometimes I include himself as a character in a story.

Eventually, it’s time to go home. The characters get to recount the events of the day (these are, again, the evens of our day today, modified for the story) and go to bed. To my surprise, it is very effective to describe how they settle to sleep, one at a time: soft pillows, comfy blankie, deep breath. I watch as Alex goes through the motions I indicate in the story, including closing his eyes, even if for a second. I try to have the last of the characters have another (like his mommy) cuddle up with in bed, which prompts lots of hugs and kisses as the Lady bug cuddles with her mommy and gave her a good night kiss! Again, Alex often helps by prompting additional actions to be taken place. I don’t end the story with the characters falling asleep. Instead, I talk about their dreams, listing yet again, the things that happened today, which now made their way into their night dreams. Sometimes, if I feel like I need to go on to wind him down just a little more, or if he asks me to, I talk about how wonderfully happy and rested the character was when he woke up the next morning (or after his nap) and the things he was planning on doing, using stuff I already have planned. This leaves the story on a positive, exciting note, leading him into the world of fantasy, which will create a train of pleasant thought for falling asleep.

This routine did not establish itself overnight. Alex did not like my bed time stories at first! I’d say, “would you like a story?” and get a no! But over time, as I experimented with content, story length and format, he is now often asking for it on his own. It’s really the best part of our day.

I’ll summarize:

• Ask for character suggestions; come up with your own, which are very familiar from books, television, or day-to-day events
• Always pay attention to the child’s creative input and take the story along
• Use the day’s activities as part of the story to help the child form memories and look back at the pleasant things, which took place.
• Use simple language, enumerating familiar objects, repeating the lists in various contexts.
• Put the characters to bed in the most tactile, confy, cozy language you can think of. You can put each one of them into his own unique sleep environment!
• Leave off with description of night dreams and the next day’s plans to help your child use his own creative thought and fantasy as he falls asleep

After the story, I spend a few minutes cuddled up with my son quietly, and follow up with the “mommy will be back” routine I discussed in Separation anxiety at bedtime article. I hope you’ve enjoyed the idea. Let me know how it goes!